I woke up twice today.

I woke up hurting today, the sort of pain that feels like it will never leave and then I woke up once more today and remembered this was all just a dream within many dreams. Something cracked and broke and a fire lit up my entire form and out of the fire came an intense joy. The joy I feel that I get to be me. I get to be with me. I felt textures and saw colour and for right now I can see everything clearly. My world has cracked open and it has been emptied and it has been cleansed and it will be filled up with beauty because I choose to radiate love and kindness from deep in my core. I will not dwell in shadow. I will not fill voids with anything but radiant light. I will not drown myself in stagnant waters.

Today I felt joy beyond measure. Because I remembered how grateful I am to be alive, to be loved, to be safe, to have home. I need no one else but myself for that. And those who are within my community choosing me as I have chose them, may all the gods on all the many planes of existence bless you.

And today I will learn to smile at and give compassion to things done and said in resentment knowing it isn’t for me anymore.