Living in fear may be familiar. What’s not so linear is attempting to make a choice based outside of the same limitations that have arisen from the anticipation of failure, rejection, longing, loneliness.
There is a cauldron of feelings I can’t quite defend, trepidation when I decide to admit that I’m potentially inadequate. Is it just a residual symptom of adolescence?
Five years ago I said yes when I should have said no. I lean toward no when the one path to growth, to expand my limbs like a trembling aspen – sure even when nerves have me quivering from actions about to be taken, is to say yes. So, I’ll say yes within fear, not clear of painful interruption. And, I have hope in this seduction of a higher reconstruction, to learn to identify the ways in which I function and the ways in which I lack.